what the hell am i doing wrong now.
my best friend is mad at me
the man i want to be with refuses to speak to me
i cant keep crying everynight about this, but it seems i have no other option.
he doesnt talk to me. he wont acknowledge the fact that im alive.
i am moving to the same state as him, the city he works in, and i will probably never see him, or speak to him again.
as long as i live. and it wouldnt hurt so bad, had he not talked to me, and showed me that he still cared the day before he said goodbye.
i am moving. i cant stop crying about that either.
i am a hormonal ball of crap, and i hate it.
i want to smile, and mean it with everything i have, like i did when he said he wanted to see me.
i want to smile and be completely happy, but i cant figure out how to do that.
not when the two most important friends i have cant stand the sight of me, at the same time.
no one reads my blogs, so i could probably even make this one public.
i don't matter to anyone anymore, or at least thats how you all make me feel
i will pretend to miss some of you, and pretend not to miss others when i am gone, i will be a big fake
and none of you will know
because ive been doing it for years
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