unoriginal blog part seventeen.

day by day the world makes a little more sense,
but confuses me even more.

i hate when you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach, when you know somethings about to crash.
but then nothing does.
i mean, its great that nothing happens, dont get me wrong.
but i hate that feeling.

ive been distancing myself from people that have hurt me, and have the potential of hurting me, in hopes of, well, not getting hurt as frequently.
but, its also keeping me from knowing.
knowing what is going on. and what will happen next.

man oh man, i hate her. i hate that shes consumed my every thought. she doesnt deserve to know me, or my family.
she doesnt deserve to be a part of us.
i really hate her.

but, i hate even more, that i pity her.

i need to get the motivation to go to the meetings with the admissions counselors, so, you know, i can actually get this ball rolling.

i also need someone i can trust, completely, to help me decide what parts are good enough to share with the world.
(haha. i sound insane)

my mom is graduating 'high school' in about the next month or so.
im so proud of her. its fantastic.
she is also in school currently to be a cna.
shes so inspirational.
since she got back on her feet, shes done everything she could for my family, and now that we're taking care of ourselves, shes taking care of herself.
following her dreams. and, shes so happy.
shes whats inspiring me to follow my dreams, and get the ball rolling with school, and the publishing, and everything.

im planning her a surprise graduation party, because she's too modest to celebrate it herself, and she deserves it.
if anyone deserves it, its her.

i want to make everyone smile.