unoriginal blog part nineteen.

i cant believe all that has changed.
i cant believe i am still on my feet after it all.
now the you that i write to is again, someone who never reads this.
but this time, its someone i am unwilling to give up on, and that kinda terrifies me.
what if i become that girl. the crazy one that wont let go.
but when i am with him, i feel so serene. so, right.
its when i am alone, and thinking, and remembering everything that has happened in these past few months that i freak out.

i lost someone two months ago that i can never get back.
and he has no idea how much joy he brought not only to me, but to everyone who met him.
after forty-four days here, he was taken.
barely over a month, and his passing is something i still cannot get over.
i have no idea how my sister is handling herself, how she carries on so well.
she is so strong. i admire her.

you would think that after two months, things would be calming down, and i would be getting a better grip on something, anything; but really it just leaves me feeling more lost the more i think about it all.
in one day my world got flipped over. everything changed, and nothing was making it better.
i do know that this is making me stronger, and the relationships i have with my family, and those close to my heart better, but whoever said time heals all wounds, there is a large part of me that wants to punch them in the nose.
i know it is getting 'easier' but it will never stop hurting.
some things will never heal.

some things should be remembered.

"so now we take a step back
look our lives in the face
put them back together
and say we'll meet back in this place

dont forget to turn around
every few steps you take
its what we need to carry on
and to stop the heartache"