unoriginal blog part twenty-three.

I really hate feeling guilty about things I have absolutely no control over.
Don't tell me you miss me, and that you want me to come home, and wish I would come visit you more, when you never come to see me either.
Your schedule is much more flexible than mine is.
Whereas I may only have a few extra hours here and there, that driving to see you, and driving back would take most of, you have much more time, and you could be on your way while I'm finishing up whatever I'm doing.
Don't get me wrong, I miss her too, and I wish I could see her more, but, guilt tripping me into spending my last $10, and my only day off, to drive to your house, and watch you go about your daily life isn't always something I can do.
(Mom, if you ever read this, I'm sorry, and you know I love you.)

Aside from that, I have been feeling pretty mundane.
I hate that I go from up up up to just existing so many times in a week.
Its rather exhausting.

Today would have been eight years had I stayed with him. In ten days I will have been four years without him. These have been the longest, most stressful, most exciting, and best years. I couldn't have had any of that with him. I am so happy to barely know him now. And it helps I got to see you today, just to really absorb the drastic change I've seen in four years.
I will be somehow celebrating my 4 year anniversary to myself on the 15th. It will be joyous.

This time, I am going to post two poems, because I don't really know if I like one of them, and I can't decide which one to post.

"While I realize that to you I may have nothing,
I have it all inside.
Lots of love to share with you,
And lots of tears I don't care to hide.
The best friends I have ever met,
And someone who doesn't have to say a word.
I understand I may be in debt,
But with this, I am less concerned."

She looks back up from her work,
To see the green of the world he's hidden in his eyes,
Her eyes shift in that nervous quirk,
She'd never tell a lie.

(He is her someone.)

"I fall down a lot,
But I always get back up,
Skinned knees to tell the tale.
My bandaids heal more than the cut,
Don't pretend you don't care."

He finally looks at her
And realizes something
He has never seen before.
He stared into two grey-blue seas
Set a little too far apart on her face.
Looked at her parted lips,
That were a bit out of place;
Noticed the freckle on her nose,
And her cheeks that would match a rose,
All this time he hadn't seen,
The soul hidden behind.

"When you look at me like that,
I know what you want to say.
Don't worry about it today, baby,
Your eyes told me it's okay."

So she set her hand on his,
And kissed his scruffy cheek,
The sea met the world today,
If they're eyes could only speak.

And, here's the other one.

I have nothing more to tell you
Nothing you don't already know.
And even if I don't say it, baby,
This is something the whole world knows.

Every touch is electric.
Every kiss better than sin.
I have never experienced anything like this,
And I'm glad I let you in.

Things from my past
Were very come and go
While you were stop and stay,
And although we've had some ups and downs,
You are well worth the wait.

Even if I was told I shouldn't,
I don't do as I am told,
Because the love I carry just for you,
Has left me feeling bold.

Instead I'll do what I do best,
And keep my eyes on the prize.
And my what a prize you are.