I hate to admit it, but you terrify me.
More than anyone or anything ever has before.

Every day I'm afraid it's all just going to disappear.
I don't want to worry about what happens next, I want to live in the now, but every time I do, the possibility of the future puts me back in my place.

Lately everything has been amazing, and I am afraid of that changing.

I feel I can really only blame myself; if this is what it takes to love you, then I will continue on.

Hearing you say "I love you" still gives me this feeling deep inside of me that I'd never felt before I met you.

It's scary to think how one person can have such an effect on your life.
Even after all the time I've spent with you, I'm not used to it.
(I hope I never get used to it.)

In things unrelated to my heart:
My roommates are dropping like flies.
Two of the original four that signed the lease have since backed out, we did find replacements, so no harm there.
I also am thinking about looking for a job closer to home.
Although I really enjoy what I do, I could find something else that I like closer, and then I wouldn't have to drive.
I don't really like driving.
I like it an exponential amount more than I used to, but I'd still rather avoid it if I can.

As I was driving home from work today, I took a few minutes to seriously consider the path that my life is taking, and I've decided that I am now, and have for a while been happier than I ever have before in my life.
I'm not going to say its thanks to you, or my job, or anything else.
Its because of how everything is working.

I also decided I think I'm going to give up on that whole book idea.
Realistically, I will never think I'm good enough, and I don't need to see myself fail more to know that.

School is still a thing I really want to happen.
I am so afraid that its not going to work out, and I'm going to be stuck in sales jobs for the rest of my life.
I hate sales.
I want to teach.





I don't want to be afraid anymore.