She dropped her coat at the door
Stripped her fears and worries
Left it all on the floor

Paced herself for this new place
But without any intentions
She picked up her pace

Every room was different
Some dirty, and falling apart
She just continued on her way
Following only her heart

Several stops, and some window shopping
Exhausted her body and her soul
But she was on a mission
And she was going to find what she was looking for

Lost in this building
Beginning to lose faith
Until she reached a new entrance
Staring back at her, she saw a face

Familiar, but new
With the same look of surprise
She'd found something life altering
And as filled with promise as the sunrise

They collected their jackets
Hand in hand they turned to leave
And were greeted on the other side
With a promising summer breeze

I am probably one of the happier people in the world, and that wasn't a solo effort.
Every single person I have ever met has undoubtedly helped with that, in one messed up way or another.
(Obviously, some much more than others; namely, you.)


PUPPY FEVER.

I also have about 1/4 of my things moved (hopefully it's at least that much), and we're already out of space in this room, I'm going to have to go through everything, and store things, and donate things. That should be a cleansing experience.

Oh, and Kindles fucking rock. I haven't even had it for that long, but it is probably my favorite gift ever.

In health news, the heart is back on the radar, and I think even she is understanding the gravity of the situation this time, thank gravy.
And today is cancer test day for him, this is some terrifying stuff, and sadly I think the reason I am handling it all so well is because I'm ignoring it. (Or denying it, I think that's a better way to say it.)

Waking up with you every morning really is better than I could have dreamed, and you really are incredible.
The way every worry, and short-coming just melts away when I'm with you; the feel of your arm wrapped around me as we sleep, all of the incredibly lame things you do with me, and that smile.
Man, I'm in trouble. (Or just madly in love with you.)

I haven't written in a really long time, not to say I haven't tried, I just am too critical, and give up too early on them. Honestly, I think I'm okay with it, because I would rather it flow freely, than be forced.

In addition to no more red meat, I think I should stop/cut back on soda again. Working somewhere with soda staring me in the face all day has gotten me to start drinking it again. Although its generally one or less a day, sometimes its more. Water, tea, or Gatorade are just as readily available, so I'm going to go those routes.

For as much ambition, and hope as I have, I am extremely lazy.
Most things I've said I wanted to do in the past few years haven't really happened. I'm getting pretty disappointed in myself, and it sucks.

I also have to give away my cat, and although she's only going to my cousins, and I barely see her now, it isn't my favorite thing I've ever done.
I also need to go through all my stuff soon, and get rid of all the junk.
But the upside to all of that is where I'm going, and that makes it worth it.

I really want to travel. I really want to see somewhere else. I would love to be able to take a vacation some time, just get away from everything. I have no idea what I'd do, or where I'd go, I just know that I want to go. Granted I am going to MN for a weekend soon, that isn't really what I'm looking for.

I have also realized that as much as I love my female friends, I know why I gravitate towards male friends. I fully acknowledge that I am a female, and I assume I also have done all the things that make me think this, but it generally comes out more when I'm around other females doing the same thing. (AKA, Sorry men.)

I've also been avoiding part of my family. One of them emailed me yesterday asking which of several dates worked for me for the next family gathering, giving me two months notice, meaning I have no real way of getting out of it. Part of me wants us to go, and just see if me not being around for a year has made any impact, or if they are the exact same, (which would only allow me to be more certain of my decision to keep my time around them to a minimum.)

Meanwhile, there is another part of my family that I really need to go see, but I am afraid to. The feedback I hear from my Mom about her condition makes me think she won't even know who I am; but when my sister and mom went to go see her a couple weeks ago, they said she was okay, but getting worse.
(I am also a little bitter that they didn't include me.)
Neither of them wanted to go alone, so they brought each other as backup, and now I will probably have to go alone, if I stop scaring myself and just go.

Generally writing a post makes me feel better at the end, like I was finally able to get all that off my chest; but right now I just feel like crap.