For as much ambition, and hope as I have, I am extremely lazy.
Most things I've said I wanted to do in the past few years haven't really happened. I'm getting pretty disappointed in myself, and it sucks.

I also have to give away my cat, and although she's only going to my cousins, and I barely see her now, it isn't my favorite thing I've ever done.
I also need to go through all my stuff soon, and get rid of all the junk.
But the upside to all of that is where I'm going, and that makes it worth it.

I really want to travel. I really want to see somewhere else. I would love to be able to take a vacation some time, just get away from everything. I have no idea what I'd do, or where I'd go, I just know that I want to go. Granted I am going to MN for a weekend soon, that isn't really what I'm looking for.

I have also realized that as much as I love my female friends, I know why I gravitate towards male friends. I fully acknowledge that I am a female, and I assume I also have done all the things that make me think this, but it generally comes out more when I'm around other females doing the same thing. (AKA, Sorry men.)

I've also been avoiding part of my family. One of them emailed me yesterday asking which of several dates worked for me for the next family gathering, giving me two months notice, meaning I have no real way of getting out of it. Part of me wants us to go, and just see if me not being around for a year has made any impact, or if they are the exact same, (which would only allow me to be more certain of my decision to keep my time around them to a minimum.)

Meanwhile, there is another part of my family that I really need to go see, but I am afraid to. The feedback I hear from my Mom about her condition makes me think she won't even know who I am; but when my sister and mom went to go see her a couple weeks ago, they said she was okay, but getting worse.
(I am also a little bitter that they didn't include me.)
Neither of them wanted to go alone, so they brought each other as backup, and now I will probably have to go alone, if I stop scaring myself and just go.

Generally writing a post makes me feel better at the end, like I was finally able to get all that off my chest; but right now I just feel like crap.