Its been a very long time since I've posted anything, mainly because its been a very long time since I wrote anything.
I hate that I feel I have nothing to write about, and that I feel that when I do write its no good.
I've written two poems in the last year, and I'm currently in the process of a third. A few years ago, I would do that much in a day.

Have I lost inspiration?
Have I lost motivation?
Have I lost myself?

I don't think those questions are as easy to answer as I would hope, but I can honestly say I don't believe I've lost myself.
I feel like this depression thing has just been really taking over these past few months, and I hate using that as an excuse, but its really not. Its whats happened. Its whats happening. I'm trying to shake myself out of it, and I've had some wonderful help along the road.


Here is a poem I wrote last May when my 14 year old cousin died:

lost in the stream
they can’t hear your screams
you feel like you're drowning
you just want to be free
a heart full of love
a mind that won't stop
it seems like there is no inbetween
your big eyes held your soul
yet life took its toll
we see now you were never alone
one day can change lives
when you bottle your strife
the cruel world will mask your pride
we will love you forever
and always remember
the girl with her soul in her eyes

Later that same month, I took an interim in Scotland, where I wrote this:

No maps can show
the roads we'll take
only our hearts know the way
the trails are endless
not all will lead home
the beaten path
may even leave you alone

all ways will prove treacherous
some coiled and cold
others may meet
at a fork in the road

dispose of your compass
put away any maps
those can only lead you blindly
into the heart of the traps


And a little message to the 'you' that so many of these posts (not the poems per se) refer to,
thank you.

Thank you for always believing in me, even when I don't.
Thanks for always fighting for me, even when I can't.
Thanks for always loving me, even when I don't understand how you do.
Thank you for always being next to me, and supporting me.
Thank you for helping me train the best two dogs I've ever met.

Thank you for existing. I love you.