unoriginal blog part four.

its turning out more that every other blog is going along with the sequence of titles.
and the other ones are me just trying to get my thoughts out fast enough.

which rarely works.

yesterday, was not a good day, but after i got home from work i did a lot of thinking. a lot of me time, and a lot of crying.

it was a horribly marvelous day.

some people know this, some people dont, but i am looking into getting my poetry published.
i am going to spend sunday and monday critiquing my years worth of work, and find the ones i like the most. i will probably judge this mainly by the emotions they bring back in me, and the writing style.

i will put it together, in book form, along with some pictures i have taken, that inspire awe in me.

once i am finished with this, i will have the rough start to a book. from there i need to figure out how to go about getting a copyright, and getting published.

i am slightly overprotective of my poetry, so i will be using a pen name.

next step, think of a title.
i'm not going to lie, it will probably be woman vs world, which is actually taken from a line of a poem i wrote about two years ago.

i really dont know why i write this on the internet, and not just in a notebook, its for myslelf.
maybe part of me is hoping that something i write will help someone, let them know they arent alone.
maybe i just want someone to read it, and understand me. let me know im not alone.

i felt completely alone last night, and i was talking to my best friend about how hard it was for me not having everyone i care abouts support on my upcoming move, and she asked me why i cared, pointing out to me that it was completely uncharacteristic of me, and she was right. and i know she is. but i'm not looking for their validation, whether they want me to go or not, i'm going.
i am looking for someone to tell me they know i can do it.
someone to look me in the eyes and tell me how proud they are.
someone to be my crutch when i do need it, because no one can go through life completely alone.

after i told her this she told me how proud of me she was. and how she knows i will have no problem making, and keeping friends when i move, and how she knows i am strong enough to make it, and she knows i will not be moving back.
she told me how hard it was for her to say that, and that was why she doesnt say it.
just hearing her say it, i knew she meant it, and i knew why i loved her.
and i cried. oh man did i cry.

i think we all just need to hear it sometimes.
hear that someone has faith in us.
hear that someone would bet on us, because they believe in us.
hear that someone is proud of you.

im going to end this with a poem i wrote a few days ago.
enjoy.

urges do subside
or at least we try to hide
but there is nothing to take away
the pain we feel inside
crying only lasts so long
and only helps so much
they leave you worse than before
make me wonder what i met you for
you have yet to change my life
and you werent just for the pain
and some day it will go away
the urges will subside
and i'll stop trying to hide
and i will find something to take away
the pain i feel inside.